She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
In other news, I just burned my penis
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize