Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
