just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
