College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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