Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
