I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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