Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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