I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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