The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
