you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
