i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
