Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
