Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
