Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
