Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
