69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
