Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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