i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
