I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
