Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
