bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
