I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
