I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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