I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
