i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you would pick up someone in the library
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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