I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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