Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
