saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Me too!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
