So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
