So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
