Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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