You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize