Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize