I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
