I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
