dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
