My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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