He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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