I'm going to jail i love you
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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