her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
