We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i think my cat just said my name.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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