Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
