If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
