All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
