just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
