Whod you bang
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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