the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
