we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
