Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize