Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
