Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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