My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
