Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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