Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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