Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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