I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
