just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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