btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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