I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
