I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
