I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
