i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
