you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
