the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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